Some goals make us happy; others have the opposite effect (for football lovers, anyway). Feeble jokes aside, happiness depends in part on whether our goals are intrinsic or extrinsic.
So what's the difference?
- Intrinsic stems from the Latin for "inward". Intrinsic goals relate to "goods of the soul" like personal growth, close relationships and physical health.
- Extrinsic stems from the Latin for "outward". Extrinsic goals relate to "worldly goals" like money, status, or fame.
Generally, we are taught that intrinsic goals are good for our happiness. The 2003 study by University of Rochester, asked 147 recent college graduates to report their aspirations in life and their happiness or unhappiness. Intrinsic aspirations included close relationships, community involvement, personal growth. Extrinsic aspirations included money, fame and having an appealing image.
Those who were able to realise their intrinsic goals, had higher levels of happiness, while those who attained their extrinsic goals had no improvement in their subjective well-being. The authors posited that while momentarily satisfied after reaching such a goal, the sense of satisfaction could not be sustained.
The difference in how these goals affect happiness comes down to needs. One school of thought, "self-determination theory", contends that we all need three things for our psychological health:
- Autonomy: feeling in control of behaviour and goals
- Competence: gaining mastery of tasks or skills
- Relatedness: feeling a sense of belonging or attachment to others
Extrinsic goals like money, fame and image cannot meet psychological needs and may even do the opposite. The "hedonic treadmill" means we need to experience ever greater pleasures in order to get the same rush.
On the other hand, intrinsic goals directly nourish our psychological needs. Taking charge of our personal growth gives us a sense of autonomy, staying in shape makes us feel good about our body; developing meaningful friendships gives us a sense of belonging.
All well and good. But what if you have moderate or advanced dementia? Your autonomy is slowly diminishing or lost, your competency may remain in some procedural activities but will be in decline, your relatedness may be damaged by the slump in language skills and your loved ones may be less recognised, or even, apparently "forgotten".
Meaningful communication can help and is key to the good care – and happiness of those with dementia. Research by Prof. Clive Ballard's team at Kings College London in 2010 showed that social interaction and "simple pleasures" had the biggest impact on people's levels of agitation and provided the greatest benefit to the person with dementia, (followed by contact with small children and then, pets).
How can deep engagement with an older person with moderate or advanced dementia be achieved? The skill is all in the way that we react to the person. If we find out the basics of the person's history, achievements and interests, we can have an enjoyable conversation, even if it may not echo the sort we might have with those without dementia. But a sincere, "Tell me about..." is one the most powerful things a person can say to another.
We're all experts of our own lives and when listened to "with meaning" we may discover much for our own enjoyment – as well as the other person's. People with dementia are no different. Telling their stories provides enjoyment for them and edification for us. By encouraging the person to talk about themselves – in whatever way they choose – and by showing sincere appreciation for them, we can acknowledge and support their intrinsic goals.
And that can make them happy – and by association, us as well.